Confidence Building Exercises

So, a few months ago I started doing the 365 Self Portrait challenge on Flickr. One self portrait a day for an entire year. And I'm doing much better than I thought I would be; I haven't quit yet and it's somewhere around day 50. I started doing it mostly to boost my confidence, which had been lacking lately. I've always been confident about my inner beauty, but faith in my outer beauty comes and goes with the way I feel. I never thought I was photogenic before, but since I've been taking some rather nice pictures of myself and putting them out there for all the world to see, getting compliments on them, etc, it makes me feel better and more comfortable with the whole thing. See my set on flickr here.

About a week into this 365 thing I was contacted by a woman who needed plus size models for a fashion show at the California College of Arts. She's the first to be doing a plus size fashion show as her final project in the shcool's 200-year history. Sad, no? But what makes it sadder is that the school is willing to pay models who volunteer their time, but only if they're size 8 or under. That just makes me sick. So I said to hell with The Man and went to the tryouts. Kind of strange, walking across a room with 50 people staring at me, doing it in flats then heels, trying to look like I knew what I was doing, lol. But I made the cut and now I've got a fitting coming up. Holy crap I'm going to be a runway model! Lol, just for fun, and another confidence booster!

So on Monday I did something I never thought I'd have the confidence to do: I set up my little camera and recorded myself singing and playing on the guitar a little song I wrote. *Ghasp* I abhor being videotaped, but I did it anyhow. And you know, the song sounds so awesome! It's simple, catchy, and I sang and played it perfectly the first take. There's just one problem: I look like such a huge dork! I mean, there's a point at which being dorky is cute, but I think I cross the line a bit in this video. I've decided this video will never be seen by anyone, let alone posted on YouTube, lol. I may someday try again and be less dorky. I'm going to put some stills up on my Flickr so you can see what I mean. Heh, I just noticed that all the stills I took are of me playing E. The song only uses a few chords so I'd guess it to be a 50/50 chance, but E must be less dorky than, say A# lol. Anywho, I've been trying to figure out how to isolate the audio using the crappy free video editing software I'm using but it's not going well, I'll keep you posted. All and all this experience only gets 1/2 a point on the confidence building scale!


  1. Please Chase with Sugar on top. We love to see you sing.
    I bet it's awesome.
    Oh well maybe some other time. like NOW? :-)

  2. Lol, I just can't bring myself to do it! I promise in the future I'll try making another video and hopefully if it turns out less dorky I'll post it!

  3. i love this post; really.